Speaking of Hoarders…

OMG y’all… This hoarding thing has been happening for YEARS and I haven’t been paying attention!! Adam has a disease! This is a blog post I wrote in May of 2009 (over 2 years ago!!) when Adam and I were moving into our new house. I think it might be a pattern… Eeeeeeek!

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For the past few weeks, Adam and I have been participating in the loving act of ripping eachother’s heads off arguing about retarded back massager chairs that no one has used in 2 years packing up our beautiful belongings because we bought a new house!

Amongst spending hours trying to figure out WHEN THE HECK we accumulated all of this crap (who has two quesadilla makers?? who even has one?), I have many times been scolded for “keeping too much crap.” Because, apparently, “women never get rid of anything.”

Hm.

May I present to you… things I have found while packing that I would have immediately chucked into the trash if my husband hadn’t whined and whined and whined for me to keep them:

  • 72 Sharpie markers. All black.
  • An entire drawer full of random knives. Probably like, 45 of them. Some that look like scary “I’ll gut you” hunting knives, which in no way will ever be needed in my kitchen. This is in addition to the two knife blocks we have on the counter.
  • 24 lighters. We’re not smokers… and no one has that many candles. No one.
  • 13 pairs of nail clippers. Only one of which is mine.
  • 67 shot glasses. Not including the 35 from the cabin. Please, someone tell me… when are we EVER going to need 67 shot glasses at the same time? Have we ever had 67 people do a simultaneous shot at our house?

Meanwhile, the pile I’ve created of “crap to get rid of” is slowly taking over the entire downstairs family room.

Interesting, how I get verbally abused for keeping 3 boxes full of shoes that I wear, yet when I try to throw away dry Sharpie markers, rusty knives, half-empty lighters, dull nail clippers and shot glasses from cities we’ve never been to — ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

Hm.

Hoard-tagious

OMG. I just found out about that TV show “Hoarders”… have you guys WATCHED this? *shudder*

Anyway, I turned on one episode when I saw the series on Netflix last week, and Adam just happened to walk in halfway through and HE. IS. HOOKED. I, on the other hand, hate hate hate it. I didn’t even finish that episode I was so disgusted. Unfortunately for me, this is now the show that Adam turns on everysinglenight before he goes to bed. I seriously just sit in the living room and let Adam get pissed at me because I continuously talk over the TV about how “BURN THAT MUTHEREFFING HOUSE DOWN” would be the best solution – for like, every situation. No joke… Mom, Dad, heed my words… if I ever found you living like one of these people, I would lure you out of your house and burn it to the ground. Ugh, I feel like I need to go take a shower just talking about this show.

Fast forward to last night, driving home from a BBQ with Adam…

Adam: I ordered that talking dog collar off of ebay.

Me: Okay (?)

Adam: Oh, and I totally almost bought a blue clarinet.

Me: Uh… ah… a what?

Adam: A clarinet. A blue one.

Me: Okaaaaaaaay. What would you do with that? Ellie’s a little young…

Adam: Uh, I would play it, duh.

Me: You don’t play the clarinet.

Adam: Jenny, it was only $39. I could learn.

Me: Do you really think you need a clarinet? Even a blue one?

Adam: Do you really think you need another purse?

Me: I need it more than you need a clarinet. Even if it is blue.

Is it me, or does anyone think that damn show might be affecting my husband?? I’m so suing A&E.

(Also, a clarinet??? Wth? That’s so not even a cool instrument!!)

(ALSO, I bought him a $500 88-key keyboard for Christmas… which he “played once last week, Jenny.” -Yeah, he totally needs a new instrument to learn.)