Mom-Cast: A Morning at the Superhouse

I think that if I attached a microphone to my shirt and recorded everything I say from 7am-10am, on a weekend when I’m the only adult in the house with two munchkins… It would make a really good podcast. Hilarious probably. It’s just a constant stream of ridiculousness that comes out of my mouth.

“Gooooooooood mor— aw dang is that poop?”

 

“Please don’t pull your sister around by the neck of her shirt.”

 

“Purple? Or blue? Purple? Purple? Purple? Blue? Blue? Can you …please just pick some pants?”

 

“Nonoonono standing on the table. No walking on the table. No dancing on the table!!”

 

“Pancakes are not brushes. They go in your mouth. No. No. No. No it’s not a brush. No.”

 

“Don’t touch the remote controls. Don’t – NONO! No remotes! NONO!”

 

“Why is there yogurt in your hair?”

 

“Did you pee?”

 

“Don’t eat crayons. Crayons are not food. Don’t e–NO!”

 

“Do you want a juice? Red or green? We don’t have blue. Red or green. No blue. We don’t have blue. There is no blue. There’s no blue.”

 

“What is that on your pants? Chapstick? Where did you find Chapstick?”

 

“Ohmigosh DON’T STAND ON THAT!!”

 

“Ewwwwyuckyyuckyyuckyewwww nononono we don’t touch the plunger!”

 

“Why is there a book in the toilet?”

 

“Who gave the dog fruit snacks?”

 

“I’m not sure you need THAT much toilet paper, sweetie.”

 

“You can’t brush your hair if it’s in a ponytail.”

 

“Please don’t dance on the stairs, you’re scaring Mommy.”

 

“Don’t put that in your mou– NO NOT ‘mmmmm’ THAT’S A HAIR CLIPPY. No ‘mmmmm’. Yucky.”

 

“Why are you naked?”

 

“Did you get that out of the garbage? Ew.”

 

“How many cookies did you eat? 3? 4? 10? Did you count? Why didn’t you ask me first?”

 

“Can I please have that? That’s Mommy’s. We don’t play with those (Sharpie) markers, they’re Mommy Markers.”

 

“Play-doh is for playing. Don’t put it in your mou– yuck! YUCK! Spit it out! Spit!”

 

“HOT! THAT’S HOT! DON’T TOUCH THAT! HOT COFFEE!”

 

“Nononononononononono NONONONONONO JAMIE!!! Don’t touch the DVD player!”

 

“Yes you can jump on the couch.”

 

“Keep your mouth shut if you’re going to jump off the couch, you might bite your tongue.”

 

“Did you bite your tongue?”

 

“Did you hurt your foot? Does it hurt really bad? Should we cut it off?”

 

“Honey I was just kidding. I would never cut you. I promise. No, I will never cut off your foot. I PROMISE.”

 

“I promise I’ll never cut off Jamie’s foot either. I won’t cut anyone’s foot off, ever.”

 

“SINGALONG!!!! LET IT GOOOOO– oh, I’m not allowed to sing? Why? I’m too OLD?”

 

“Yes you can have some of my water. Just don’t squee– *sigh*… here’s a towel.”

 

“Please stop handing me your boogers. You know where the tissue is.”

 

“What is that? A booger? Why are you just standing there holding it?”

 

“Do I hear running water? Why is the tub running? WHY IS THE TUB RUNNING?”

 

“Are your panties on backward?”

 

“WHY IS THIS WET?”

 

“Is it naptime yet?”

 

And on and on and on… would you listen? If I could ever find the time to edit and publish a weekly recording like this, I feel like it might be a hit! :)

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