Ketchup Popsicles

It’s starting to look a lot like spring here lately, and Ellie is now obsessed with being outside… so naturally, I’ve been itching to buy her some yard toys. Slides, climbing cubes, etc (you know, Step 2 & Little Tykes stuff) – but brand new those things are ridiculously expensive! I recently told Adam I’d been searching for stuff on craigslist but hadn’t really found anything reasonable. Apparently he thinks that’s because I’m incompetent:

Me: People are listing those yard toys pretty high, I think it must just be that time of year.

Adam: I’ll look.

Me: No, I scour Craigslist multiple times every day babe. I haven’t really seen anything cheap enough.

Adam: Jenny, I am the Craigslist master. I’LL look.

Me: Seriously? How do you think you’re gonna find something that’s not there?

Adam: Babe. I’m so good at Craigslist I could find ketchup popsicles if I wanted to. Don’t test me.

Hm. Guess I got told. (By the way, if you’re looking for ketchup popsicles Adam can obviously find them for you. Let me know if you need a hookup and I’ll get you his email.)

Another by the way… if you’re a parent and you live in Anchorage or the Valley, and your toddler has outgrown his or her yard toys – I’m interested! Email me at [email protected] :)

Apparently I need to eat more cheeseburgers

Adam and I were watching television the other night and this stupid Carl’s Jr. commercial came on. RIGHT in the MIDDLE of our conversation, his eyes completely glazed over and he basically forgot I was alive for 30 whole seconds. Have you seen this commercial? The one with Kate Upton? Here… please, do your research:

Okay. So I was all about letting it slide justthisonce… until NOT 3 SECONDS LATER he was on his iphone, looking up the “uncut” version of the commercial and completely ignoring me.

Me: WHAT THE HELL? You didn’t get enough of that bitch just now on the tv?

Adam: Huh? Oh, I just wanted to see the full version.

Me: How the hell did you even know there WAS a “full version?”

Adam: I just assumed. Anyway I didn’t get to see what kind of burger that was so I wanted to look it up.

Me: 0___0   (that’s a blank stare, for those of you who don’t know text-speak)

Adam: What?

Me: Possibly the most ridiculous excuse I’ve ever in my life heard. Up there with “I only look at Playboy for the articles.”

Adam: I really wanted to see what kind of burger it was, it looked like there was jalepenos!

Me: So you’re just gonna keep digging, huh?

 

APPARENTLY, Carl’s Jr, you need to make the product for which you’re advertising A LITTLE DAMN MORE OBVIOUS.

(And… If I EVER see anyone eating a burger like that I will ram them with my car. Whores.)

Random Facts

My husband doesn’t read books.

Well, not real books. He does, however, love the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader books – you know, the ones with a ton of random facts. I even bought him a few Bathroom Reader CDs a while back to listen to while he goes on long drives for work. He loves these books so much that he’s pretty much the Random Trivia King Genius of the World. NO. JOKE. You want him on your team if you’re playing a trivia game… he WILL win.

Anyway… a few days ago he discovered the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader iPhone app. Oh joy – random trivia 24/7. 

So, the other night we’re laying in bed. I’m falling asleep, Adam is playing on his phone. All of a sudden, breaking the silence at one o’clock in the morning…

“Hey, you wanna hear about aardvarks?”

‘Tis The Season

Every year since I’ve been without my mom during the holidays (since 2005), decorating my house has been rough – emotionally. I always cry while I hang family ornaments on my tree, and listening to Christmas music just tugs at my heartstrings. On top of that, Adam gets all grinchy during Christmas because it’s a fairly stressful time for him at work, so I always end up decorating BY MYSELF. How fun.

This year, however, Adam offered to help.

HOLD. THE. PHONE. What?

Yep… SuperHubs actually made time just to help Ellie and I decorate our Christmas tree. –pause for collective “awwwwwww”– I was ridiculously happy to spend an evening at home with just my family – Mommy, Daddy, Ellie & Tali. Gives me warm fuzzies just thinking about it. :)

A few gems from that evening:

Adam: Ohp! Gotta do an egg.

Me: What? An egg?

Adam: Duh, I do it every year.

Me: You’ve NEVER done “an egg” – what does that even mean?

Adam: It means cool. Doesn’t it look cool?

Me: I’ve never even heard of this, EVER.

Adam: I do this every year. Call my brother.

—I call Alex–

Me: Hey Bro! Did you guys decorate your tree yet?

Alex: No not yet.

Me: Oh, well are you gonna do an egg this year?

Alex: WTF does that mean?

Me: WINNER.

Also, by the way, the egg IS cool. Adam hollowed out an egg from the fridge and then put a hole in it and attached it to a light on the tree. It IS cool… I’ve just never ever seen him do it before. Being that this is the FIRST YEAR EVER that he’s helped decorate the tree, I don’t see how he could have done this “every year, duh.”

Okay, in the spirit of equality… here is one where I’M the loser, lol:

Adam: Do we have to hang all of these bells? There’s too many bells on this tree. Isn’t there only supposed to be one? Like, every time a bell rings an angel gets it’s wings?

Me: This isn’t Peter Pan, ‘tard.

Adam: Um, it’s from ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’, ‘tard.

Me: Huh. What was Peter Pan then?

Adam: HAVE SOME MORE WINE.

Yeeeeaaaaaah. I *may* have been drinking.

Can you find the ketchup?

Yesterday Adam yelled down the stairs at me to “please go out to the truck and get his clean boxers because he’s taking a shower and he already has all of his clothes off…”

To which I replied “you only have ONE pair of boxers that are clean?” and he said “I only have like 6 pairs” and I said “WE’RE NOT POOR, YOU KNOW.”

Anyway, I agreed to run outside. The last words I had heard included “on the floor behind the driver’s seat” so naturally that’s where I looked.

Obviously, I am stupid.

I searched and searched for a good 5 minutes, and then came in. No boxers. Adam told me “Jenny, I SAID they’re on the floor  the driver’s seat toward the back you have to lift it up”!!!!

Oh, my bad. So I went out and searched again following the new/old directions I think. Came in. No boxers.

Adam, superpissed, storms out the front door in a towel, immediately reaches in without even looking and magically pulls out a wrinkled, holey pair of scraggleboxers (actually, a lot like a magician pulling a bunny out of a hat, now that I think of it). “SEE? I was perfectly clear.”

Upon further inspection, I see that he pulled out the boxers from behind the driver’s seat, behind a case of wine, under the folded-down seat, between the seat and the floor. Obviously, I am stupid.

My favorite part of this whole exchange?

Me: Why are you so upset? Because I couldn’t follow your 18-sentence directions on how to find your holey wrinkly boxers stuffed into the inner workings of your truck? 

Adam: GAAAH. I swear, Jenny… this is just like how you get mad at me for not being able to find shit in the fridge.

Oh, I’m so sorry honey. Yes, this is *exactly* like when I ask you to get the ketchup out of the fridge and you look for 5 minutes and then give up.

Let’s play a supergame: Can YOU find the ketchup?

 

Electronics aren’t Jenny-proof?

**While I’m on vacation (visiting family and BlogHer-ing) for a few weeks, please enjoy some Superwife classics… posts for which I get the most irl (in-real-life) comments and/or compliments. Have a super few weeks and I’ll be back sooooon!**

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Quotes from a small scuffle between Adam and I this afternoon (we’re in the middle of a move!):

Me: “…Well, I just don’t want you thinking I’ll be able to pack up this whole household all by myself!”

Adam: “First of all, I don’t think that. Second, I don’t even TRUST you to pack up everything by yourself.”

Me: “Whaaaaaaaa?”

Adam: “Well, since you’re a girl and have no regard for the value of anything, and you think that all electronics are made out of rock, I wouldn’t want you just throwing everything into a box and calling it packing.” (picture him using the “quote fingers” with the word “packing”)

Me: (giggle… giggle snort… giggle) “I don’t DO that!” (I totally do)

 

That husband of mine, he’s so mean and ruthless perceptive!

Calgon

**While I’m on vacation (visiting family and BlogHer-ing) for a few weeks, please enjoy some Superwife classics… posts for which I get the most irl (in-real-life) comments and/or compliments. Have a super few weeks and I’ll be back sooooon!**

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Life in this house just never gets boring…

My husband and I, lazily watching TV recently…

TV Character: “that’s about as exciting as a douche commercial…blah blah blah…”

Me: “I don’t remember ever in my life seeing a douche commercial.”

Adam: “Sure you have. I’ve seen tons!”

Me: “WTF? Why would you even remember a douche commercial?”

Adam: “Um, DUH, Jenny. ‘Calgon, Take Me Away!’ You don’t remember that?? Gaah.”

Me: “Um, DUH, Adam… those were BATH SALT commercials. Weirdo. Did you think every time someone says ‘Calgon, take me away’ that they’re talking about douching?”

Adam: “I guess.”

Me: “Yeah, because that’s so relaxing. After a long hard day at work, I’m sure women all around the country go home thinking ‘Calgon Douche, Take Me Away!’… god you’re weird.”

Adam: “Women are an enigma. I have no idea if douching is relaxing or not. Women do weird things.”

Me: “NO ONE I KNOW DOUCHES!!!”

Hey, Calgon. Your commercials are apparently confusing to men. Revise, please.