A Watched Sorbet Never Softens

Sometimes I swear I feel like an alien in my own house.

I pulled out a rock-hard tub of raspberry sorbet tonight after dinner, and told Ellie to go play for a few minutes while it softened up. She promptly perched herself directly in front of it at the counter, and said “Mom I’m just gonna watch it.”

Adam was in the living room with Jamie, and I laughed as I called out to him, “Hey Babe? Will you tell your daughter that a watched pot never boils?”

Adam: A what never what?

Me: A watched pot never boils.

Adam: A washed what?

Me: A watched pot never boils!

Adam: A washtot?

Me: ADAM! A WATCHED POT NEVER BOILS!!

Adam: Yeah I’ve never heard that. What’s that?

Ellie: I’m not watching a pot, MOM, I’m watching the ice cream!

Me: *siiiiiiiigh*

 

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10 Radio-Popular Songs for SuperToddlers (plus some bonus suggestions)

My two girls are absolutely obsessed with music. Like, ALL MUSIC. Any time music comes on, they want to dance and sing at the top of their lungs. Now, I don’t think I’m alone in my frustration with all of the profanity, lewd content and general gross-ness of most music on the radio today, so I’ve been doing a little homework. I swear, every time I find a song with a great beat that the kids seem to LOVE, up pops a curse word, or a line that makes my eyes bug out. I recently read somewhere that Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” was a song that’s got a “great message for girls”…. uh, yeeeeaaahhh… after hearing the lines “We know that sh*t ain’t real“, “Boys like a little more booty to hold at night“, and “Tell them skinny bitches that“… mmm NOPE. I mean, yes, overall that’s probably a good message for teen girls (basically that being skinny isn’t everything and you should be proud of your body), but the presentation lacks the G-rating I’m needing for my babes right now.

So… here are 10 radio-popular songs that I feel comfortable allowing my nearly-2-and-4-year-olds to listen to (links are to tunes on Spotify):

1.  Shake it Off – Taylor Swift – Oh holy hell, is this song catchy. We have probably broken the record for most-times-played-in-a-row on this one. The second the car engine starts on the way to drop Ellie off at school every day, Jamie is shouting at me from the backseat: “SHAKE! SHAKE! LISTEN SHAKE! SHAKE!” (Also, a GREAT message in this one. Shake it off, get back up, do it your own way.)

2. Happy – Pharrell Williams – Pretty sure every kid (okay every person) in the world starts wiggling when this song comes on. How can you not?? I can barely listen to this song in the car because I want to jump out of my seat and start dancing.

3. ROAR – Katy Perry – Catchy beat, zero profanity, and a great message for kids. A good one for them to scream at top volume.

4. Good Feeling – Flo Rida – Upbeat, happy, clean (surprisingly so, considering the artist).

5. We Found Love – Rihanna – Probably the cleanest song Rihanna has released. Unfortunately the video is NOT clean, so if you play music on YouTube for you kids, this may not be a good choice. On the radio or a Spotify playlist, however, this is a great dance tune with no profanity.

6. Good Time – Owl City & Carly Rae Jepson – Oh man… there was a good 8-12 month period in which this was the ONLY song Ellie would allow me to play. SO catchy (major ear worm, this one), and fun. I used to sing different words to the tune all the time – “Woke up with Ell-ie’s feet on my head… What’s up with that girl sneakin’ in my bed?” … still makes her giggle.

7. Steal My Kisses – Ben Harper – Love this one. Probably leaning toward the adult side, but I just chase and kiss and tickle my kiddos when this song is on and they think it’s hilarious.

8. Break Free – Ariana Grande – Yeah, it’s about a failed relationship, but it’s also about independence and it’s clean, catchy and fun to dance to.

9. Stronger – Kelly Clarkson – Super positive, and major girl-power lyrics. Another one the kids’ll want to scream-sing.

10. Cups – Pitch Perfect (Anna Kendrick) – Besides the mention of whiskey, this one is really fun. I actually taught myself how to do that whole cups rhythm with Disney princess cups, so I use it to sing the girls stuff like the Alphabet Song and many others… but they still love it when this one comes on the radio. And then they want to bang on cups LIKE RIGHT NOW.

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Here’s a few bonus songs as well – ones my kiddos ask for on a regular basis (daily), either to listen to in the car via Spotify or for me to sing to them in the evenings. I didn’t include them in the above list because most of them are not necessarily radio-popular, but boy do my girls love these:

1. September – Earth, Wind & Fire – That chorus a fuuuuuuun one. I love listening to Ellie belt it out.

2. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious – Julie Andrews – Because it’s super fun to try and say. Not sure I can even say it. But I do remember that when I was a kid I loved telling people that this “word” has 34 letters in it! (Side note – I also loved telling people that the longest REAL word in the world is antidisestablishmentarianism… at 28 letters. And I could spell it. BOOM.)

3. Heavenly – Harry Connick, Jr. – I often push HCJ on my girls. I’m pretty much in love with him as an artist, and I would have NO problems if Ellie & Jamie grew up loving him as well. This is a super-cute song about the sun and the moon falling love.

4. Be OK – Ingrid Michaelson – Although it seems to be about not-so-happy things, it’s got a happy and upbeat way about it. Ellie loves singing this one – there aren’t many words so it’s easy for her to get into.

5. WitchDoctor – David Seville & The Chipmunks – Jamie is SO into this song right now. “DOCTOR! DOCTOR!” She sings it while running around our living room a lot as well. “ooh eee ooh ah ah, ting tang, walla walla bing bang!”

6. Splish Splash – Bobby Darrin – Who doesn’t like a bath song? :)

7. Lollipop – The Chordettes -  Dead lord MAKE SURE you click on the Chordettes song with this title. Trust me.

8. What Does the Fox Say – Ylvis – No explanation needed. A ridiculous hit that makes absolutely no sense, yet all children go bananas whenever this song is played.

9. Real in Rio – Jamie Fox, Jessie Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway (from the Rio Soundtrack) – Jamie went through a 4-month phase where Rio was the only movie we were allowed to watch, and this song was the only one that would make her happy. I even had to turn it into a lullaby for her so I could sing it softly while putting her to sleep. (Actually… Ellie did that first. I copied her because it toooootally worked to calm Jamie down at bedtime.)

10. You Make Me Happy – Cathy Heller – SUCH a sweet song. I love it as a lullaby, and the girls like to sing along.

11. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go – Wham! – Fun for all ages. You’re made of stone if you don’t like JitterBug. :)

12. ANYTHING FROM FROZEN – Because, Disney wins everything.

 

12 Things I Don’t Like to Hear While Showering

Sometimes I try to shower while the kids are playing in Ellie’s room. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

Here are twelve things I definitely do not like to hear while trying to take that shower (and I especially do not like to hear them all during the SAME shower):

1. “Mom?” (I know, I know, but it’s always the start of bigger and badder…)

2. “Jamie just ate a booger.”

3. “Mommy! Jamie threw my pony in the toilet!”

4.”Here Mom… can you wash this pony that Jamie threw in the toilet?” (while throwing sopping wet pony into the shower)

5. “Mama! Poopy!”

6. “Hi. Jamie bath too. Want in.”

7. “Mom? Can you open this?” (hands me a popsicle)

8. “MOM! Jamie took her diaper off!”

9. “Mama. I peed.”

10. “JAMIE PEED ON MY BED!!”

11. “MOOOOOOOOOM! Jamie just poured bubble bath in the toilet!”

12. “Mom are you done yet? It’s crazy out here.”

Yes dear. *sigh* It IS crazy out there.

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I promise, he doesn’t.

Ellie is very into contest games right now – as in, everything is a race. Everything. And everyone is always playing, even if they don’t know it.

“I finished my dinner first, I win!!”

“I made it to the car first, I’m the winner!”

“Aw, Jamie beat me to the bathtub!”

“I got my shoes on the fastest!”

All of this seems so fun and innocent, until I overhear her talking to the nanny last week while we’re apparently doing something race-worthy,

“My Daddy beats my Mommy every day.”

Errrrrrrr… yikes. I feel like I need to just shadow her for the next 5 years so I can clarify everything that comes out of her mouth.

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Relax, there’s totally an explanation…

I do have a good explanation…

My girls are in love with the little mini beanie babies that come with the McDonald’s happy meals right now (yes, I bought them a happy meal, calm down). Ellie got a pink elephant and promptly named him “Boo”.

At the closing party for the BlogHer14 conference I just attended in San Jose, CA, McDonald’s happened to be the sponsor – so guess what Mama brought home for the girls? You got it… beanie babies galore. (And I didn’t even have to consume a million happy meals to score all of the goodies!)

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SO, because we really don’t have a need for 19 extra mini elephants… we decided to bring a bag-o-beanies to a friend’s bbq this week and share with the other kiddos we know. Ellie was SO excited to show everyone the swag… so to the first adult she saw when we arrived, she shouted,

“HEY! WE BROUGHT A TON OF BOOS FOR EVERYONE!”

Which, while still appropriate for our group of friends… probably not the best thing for my 3-year-old to be shouting.

 

Mom-Cast: A Morning at the Superhouse

I think that if I attached a microphone to my shirt and recorded everything I say from 7am-10am, on a weekend when I’m the only adult in the house with two munchkins… It would make a really good podcast. Hilarious probably. It’s just a constant stream of ridiculousness that comes out of my mouth.

“Gooooooooood mor— aw dang is that poop?”

 

“Please don’t pull your sister around by the neck of her shirt.”

 

“Purple? Or blue? Purple? Purple? Purple? Blue? Blue? Can you …please just pick some pants?”

 

“Nonoonono standing on the table. No walking on the table. No dancing on the table!!”

 

“Pancakes are not brushes. They go in your mouth. No. No. No. No it’s not a brush. No.”

 

“Don’t touch the remote controls. Don’t – NONO! No remotes! NONO!”

 

“Why is there yogurt in your hair?”

 

“Did you pee?”

 

“Don’t eat crayons. Crayons are not food. Don’t e–NO!”

 

“Do you want a juice? Red or green? We don’t have blue. Red or green. No blue. We don’t have blue. There is no blue. There’s no blue.”

 

“What is that on your pants? Chapstick? Where did you find Chapstick?”

 

“Ohmigosh DON’T STAND ON THAT!!”

 

“Ewwwwyuckyyuckyyuckyewwww nononono we don’t touch the plunger!”

 

“Why is there a book in the toilet?”

 

“Who gave the dog fruit snacks?”

 

“I’m not sure you need THAT much toilet paper, sweetie.”

 

“You can’t brush your hair if it’s in a ponytail.”

 

“Please don’t dance on the stairs, you’re scaring Mommy.”

 

“Don’t put that in your mou– NO NOT ‘mmmmm’ THAT’S A HAIR CLIPPY. No ‘mmmmm’. Yucky.”

 

“Why are you naked?”

 

“Did you get that out of the garbage? Ew.”

 

“How many cookies did you eat? 3? 4? 10? Did you count? Why didn’t you ask me first?”

 

“Can I please have that? That’s Mommy’s. We don’t play with those (Sharpie) markers, they’re Mommy Markers.”

 

“Play-doh is for playing. Don’t put it in your mou– yuck! YUCK! Spit it out! Spit!”

 

“HOT! THAT’S HOT! DON’T TOUCH THAT! HOT COFFEE!”

 

“Nononononononononono NONONONONONO JAMIE!!! Don’t touch the DVD player!”

 

“Yes you can jump on the couch.”

 

“Keep your mouth shut if you’re going to jump off the couch, you might bite your tongue.”

 

“Did you bite your tongue?”

 

“Did you hurt your foot? Does it hurt really bad? Should we cut it off?”

 

“Honey I was just kidding. I would never cut you. I promise. No, I will never cut off your foot. I PROMISE.”

 

“I promise I’ll never cut off Jamie’s foot either. I won’t cut anyone’s foot off, ever.”

 

“SINGALONG!!!! LET IT GOOOOO– oh, I’m not allowed to sing? Why? I’m too OLD?”

 

“Yes you can have some of my water. Just don’t squee– *sigh*… here’s a towel.”

 

“Please stop handing me your boogers. You know where the tissue is.”

 

“What is that? A booger? Why are you just standing there holding it?”

 

“Do I hear running water? Why is the tub running? WHY IS THE TUB RUNNING?”

 

“Are your panties on backward?”

 

“WHY IS THIS WET?”

 

“Is it naptime yet?”

 

And on and on and on… would you listen? If I could ever find the time to edit and publish a weekly recording like this, I feel like it might be a hit! :)

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Growing into Angry Birds

The Angry Birds obsession has hit our household, and my girls are preeeeetty much in love with anything Angry Birds-related. I bought Ellie a swimsuit with the red bird on it, and a set of 5 pairs of socks. I had to buy myself the same socks, and now every morning when she wakes up she asks, “Mom what socks should we wear this morning?” – and then refuses to wear anything that doesn’t make our feet match (it makes my morning decisions just *that* much more difficult, having to remember that I MUST choose socks for which Ellie has a match). Anyhoo… at the store the other evening, I was treated to this lovely (and completely innocent) outburst:

Ellie: MOM! Angry Birds panties!!!

Me: Hmmm, well… These are just too big for you sweetie.

Ellie: Well when my ‘gina gets bigger can I get them?

(Most of the time I can stifle my laughter. This… was not one of those times.)

(AND she was still asking the same question like 5 minutes later in the milk aisle, and I finally had to be like “ummmm when your little booty gets bigger we can get them… Can we please talk about something else???”)

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