How I almost lost Molly at BlogHer…

… because she almost lept out of a moving vehicle.

For those of you who haven’t met (or read) my friend Molly, she is amazing. She is gorgeous, talented, spirited and incredibly intelligent… if you don’t count the whole vegan thing. I kid, I kid… but seriously, Molly is a vegan. And even when she’s not a vegan (dude, everyone slips, shut up already) (oh and also, dude, animalz iz delishus), she still cares very deeply about animal rights. To illustrate, I shall recall a short but true story:

A few years ago (3? 4?) I had a few girlfriends over to watch American Idol and drink wine while we made fun of everyone but Adam Lambert (should have won!). We all decided to paint our toenails while we hung out, and after we finished I pulled out a can of that QuickDri spray stuff – you know, the kind they have at some salons where you just spray it on your newly painted nails and it supposedly dries them faster? Anyway, we all used it – except for Molly. She instead picked up the can, took it into the well-lit kitchen and scrutinized the ingredients label…

Molly: DUDE. I am SO not using this dead-animal-spray. It has MINK OIL in it.

Me: What is mink oil?

Molly: It’s (insert real explanation here, I cant remember bc I was drinking and laughing my ass off). You need to throw this can of death away!

Me: Yeah, well…. Jen is wearing a zebra shirt! Yell at her! (to clarify, my friend Jen was wearing a zebra-print shirt, not a shirt made out of an actual zebra)

SO… that is an example of Molly’s vegan-ness. Here is the story of how she nearly died at BlogHer a few weekends ago:

At the SoftCup/Mario Lopez/Ryan Cabrera party we went to (calm DOWN, I’ll post about it later), we were photographed by a celebrity paparazzo (oKAY, professional photographer, but I will continue to refer to him as Paparazzi Jerod). He was really witty and fun to hang out with, so we all exchanged cards. The next day, Jerod sent me a message and asked if Molly and I would like to grab some sushi with him and his wife (who he referred to as “wifezilla”) after the conference. Since we had no dinner plans, we agreed.

The Paparazzis (Jerod and his wife, Emilee) picked us up in their car at the conference center and we drove over to a delicious sushi restaurant nearby (where, btw, Molly had some vegetables or something). In the car, we were all discussing jobs – Jerod mentioned to his wife that I worked for a pharma company, and then told me that Emilee worked in a lab. And then this:

Me: Oh, what kind of lab?

Emilee: Clinical stuff. I see reps sometimes.

Jerod: Hon! Tell them about those funny fuckin’ coke monkeys!

Emilee: Oh yeah, haha.

(Molly perked up at this point, listening verrrrrry closely.)

Me: Monkeys?

Emilee: Yeah some companies use our labs for animal testing and stuff.

(Molly’s eyes are huge now. Huge.)

Jerod: Yeah but tell them about the ones on cocaine.

Emilee: Oh haha… yeah this one time these monkeys were on cocaine and one of them broke out and it was insane, haha. But don’t worry, it was clinical grade cocaine.

(I think Molly’s hand may have been on the door handle now. Imagine cartoon steam coming out of her ears.)

Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s hilarious. Isn’t that hilarious, Molly?

Molly: (through gritted teeth) So how far away is this restaurant?

I am SO proud of Molly for not leaping to her death to escape the animal-hating Paparazzi family… because they actually turned out to be wonderful people who were fun to hang out with and an all-around totally cool couple.

Molly… so polite. And reserved.

Also, Molly will probably try to tell you that this is an exaggerated version of the event… but it’s exactly how I remember it in my head. :)