Yep… we’re married.

Adam and I were in the car the other day discussing his birthday plans, and he told me that I am “required” to come out to the cabin with him for a snowmachine trip next weekend (his bday is the 19th). Thinking back to the last time I was at our little cabin in Talkeetna, I remembered that while I was *a little* intoxicated over New Year’s Eve I *may* have stepped in a bit of dog doo. Or a freaking POOL of it, from the looks of my boots. Which I haven’t cleaned off yet, because, well, it’s disgusting and I have a majorly sensitive nose (and gag reflex). So they’ve been sitting outside our garage for like a month. Also, I forgot about them.

So… obviously I can’t use them again until they are cleaned, and according to Adam I’m going snowmachining next weekend. Being me (a squeamish, conniving sexpot), I thought I’d use my uber-sexiness as a bargaining tool…

Me: So… (seductively)… what do I have to do to get you to clean my boots off?

Adam: What do you mean?

Me: You know, like, a deal. What do I need to DO in exchange for you cleaning my snowboots.?

Adam: (without missing a beat) Finish my laundry.

Me: Seriously? Laundry? No sexual favors???

Adam: That’s not an even trade! You’re asking me to do something shitty – (ha, ha) – in exchange for you doing something fun! Don’t disguise it like it’s only fun for me. Now do we have a deal or what??

Me: *sigh* I guess. Do I have a deadline?

Adam: Sure. When do you want me to wear clean underwear by?

Yep. Marriage. Soooo glamorous.

*side note: I never do Adam’s laundry. I took a stand like, 5 years ago when I realized I was spending half my life in the laundry room. Now I get mad when I find out even one of his socks has slipped into my laundry basket… so this is a Big. Deal. And he totally knows it… Brat.

Safe Words and Tippytoes

I mentioned in my first post that Adam and I started trying for a baby in 2009… well it’s been nearly a year now, and no luck. I thought I’d share my experience with the issues and frustrations I’ve been dealing with here. I know I’m not the only person who has ever had fertility issues, and it helped me to read other couples’ stories online. My journey so far has been frustrating, uncomfortable and sometimes comical. I don’t know how cathartic this will be, but hopefully it will at least be either entertaining or comforting to someone.

So… just a short story for now. A few months ago I decided to finally get fertility testing done, and after a bunch of OBGYN appointments and some big long scary needles, my doctor prescribed Clomid. I had 3 blood tests and a failed hysterosalpingogram last year, and just this month my doc decided to dilate my cervix and give me pills. She’s pretty confident that we’ll (finally) succeed in makin’ a baby within 3 months, so I guess we’ll see.

When my doc was talking to me about the medication, she mentioned that it might make me go a little bit super-bitch-crazy… I laughed and said that I’m already a super bitch, so no biggie. She took it a little more seriously and then told me that I should “come up with a ‘safe’ word” for my husband and I to use in case I get out of hand… emotionally. SRSLY? Enjoy a small peek into my home life, in which you’ll see that this idea? Would never work.  

Me: “Hey Honey, before I start taking these pills tomorrow, my doctor thinks we should come up with some sort of safe word in case I turn into too much of a biotch.”

Adam: “Oh, great. Is that what I have to look forward to? Can I just move out for a little bit?”

Me: “That may make the ‘baby-making’ a little difficult. Seriously though, we should come up with some sort of signal or word. Just in case.”

Adam: “How about, ‘Hey Jenny you’re being a huge bitch’? That should be fine.”

Me: “Uh, unless you don’t care if I throw plates at you, that will not work fine.”

Adam: *sigh* “Okay. Tippytoe.”

Me: “Huh?”

Adam: “That’s the word. Tippytoe.”

Me: “No. Absolutely not. I can guarantee that that word would just piss me off even more if I’m already in a shitty mood.”

Adam: “It seems like you’re starting to put yourself in a shitty mood right now.”

Me: “No, I just want you to take this seriously! C’mon!”

Adam: “You’re starting to freak me out. Have you already started taking those pills?”

Me: “What? NO! I said I start taking them tomorrow!”

Adam: “…tippytoe… tippytoe…”