This happened the week before my wedding in 2008, when my family was up visiting from Idaho. I had to repost this from my other site because I just realized that I’ve written TWO posts about douching. WTF? I need new subject matter…

Scene: My living room, playing Nintendo Wii with Adam, my Mom, Karlynn (sister, 13), Kendyl (sister, 10) & Billy (brother, 12). Billy & Kendyl are playing Wii tennis for the first time. They are super excited and hyped up on sugar of some kind. Everyone else is watching/computering/etc.

Nintendo Wii: Beep boop… boop…. beeeep…. beep boop…. Forty, Deuce!

(that means they’re tied at 40 points… I had to look it up.)

Kendyll (LOUDLY): WHAT’S A DOOSH?

Everyone (except Billy): Baaaaahaaaahaaahaaaa!!

Oddly enough, Karlynn laughs first and loudest of all.

Mom: It’s Doooose, baby. It means tie, same score. Doosh is something different.

Kendyll: What is it then?

Mom: Nothing. Keep playing. *pauses* Karlynn… why are YOU laughing?

Karlynn (shyly now): I dunno.

Mom: You don’t even know what that means.

Karlynn: I know.

Scene: Fred Meyer grocery shopping with Karlynn and my Mom.

Mom: Hey you two, come over here.

Me: Uh… why are we stopping in the condom aisle?

Karlynn: Baaaahaaaaahaaaahaa.

Mom: Jenny, grab the Massengill box down there on the bottom shelf

(This exact box!)

Me: uhhhhh… oohhhhhhhhh HAHAHAHAHA

Karlynn: What are we doing? Oh. My. God. WHAT ARE WE DOING?

Mom: Now, since you laughed so loud, I thought you should know what a douche really is… see it’s where you-

Karlynn: IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GROCERY STORE?? *bluuuuuuuuushing!!!*

Me: Ahhh…. I’m SO doing this to my kids.

My family rocks. :)

Side note: Way back a million years ago when I was 10, I remember sitting at the dinner table with my family (Mom, Dad, me, and 2 sisters Jessie and Sara, who were both 5 at the time) and one of the girls pissed me off somehow so I called her a dildo… and got sent to my room. I didn’t even know what it meant! Kids at school said it! So, I totally feel you Karlynn… I knew that word was bad, but not THAT bad! Now you’ll think differently next time you hear someone call someone a douchebag at school, eh? :)

This was originally posted on jennyfast.com… but I’ve been exhausted from travel and work this week, so you’ll get re-posts and you’ll like them. ;)

Life in this house just never gets boring…

My husband and I, lazily watching TV recently…

TV Character: “that’s about as exciting as a douche commercial…blah blah blah…”

Me: “I don’t remember ever in my life seeing a douche commercial.”

Adam: “Sure you have. I’ve seen tons!”

Me: “WTF? Why would you even remember a douche commercial?”

Adam: “Um, DUH, Jenny. ‘Calgon, Take Me Away!’ You don’t remember that?? Gaah.”

Me: “Um, DUH, Adam… those were BATH SALT commercials. Weirdo. Did you think every time someone says ‘Calgon, take me away’ that they’re talking about douching?”

Adam: “I guess.”

Me: “Yeah, because that’s so relaxing. After a long hard day at work, I’m sure women all around the country go home thinking ‘Calgon Douche, Take Me Away!’… god you’re weird.”

Adam: “Women are an enigma. I have no idea if douching is relaxing or not. Women do weird things.”

Me: “NO ONE I KNOW DOUCHES!!!”

Hey, Calgon. Your commercials are apparently confusing to men. Revise, please.

I know that I should be like, the perfect audience for this commercial because I should agree that one day is SO MUCH TIME… but…

…is it just me or does the new First Response Pregnancy Test commercial remind anyone else of the 7-Minute Abs clip from There’s Something About Mary? “No one gets a good ab workout in six minutes!!”

I can’t find the FR commercial, but this is the gist: “New! FIRST RESPONSE® Early Result Pregnancy Test can now detect the pregnancy hormone, hCG, 6 days before your missed period.  Patent pending, Polymeric Amplification Technology (PAT) allows only FIRST RESPONSE® to detect the pregnancy hormone at lower levels than ever before. It is the ONLY pregnancy test that detects the pregnancy hormone 6 days before the day of the missed period, which is one day sooner than any other test on the market.” (Taken from the First Response website)

It just sounds like such a silly selling point to me. If you’re pregnant, you’re pregnant, and you’ll know when you don’t get your damn period. Eh? Why pay more money? Hell, I stock up on Dollar Store tests, and I still get a negative response whether I use those or the $12 tests each month. Booo.

For the DOG.

How fun, that we had to go buy DOG DIAPERS before we’re even able to think about BABY diapers. Blech.

But we actually did buy baby diapers… or toddler pullups, rather. Petco wasn’t open after 9pm for real doggie diapers and Tali started bleeding just a little after that time, so we had to run to Fred Meyer for the largest pullups we could find. Poor Tali. She absolutely hates them and thinks she’s in trouble.

I feel your pain, sweetie! I hate PMS too!!! 

This is what I got from my husband for Valentine’s Day (which was surprising, because we usually don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with much more than a card):

And just when I thought that rusty old tin chest of his was empty, he goes and gives me his heart. xoxox

I swear, the name of this blog should just be changed to “Shit My Husband Says.”

Me: Awwwwwwww *tear*. Your mom gave us a Valentine? That’s so sweeeeeeeeeet.

Adam: She does it every year, I don’t know whay you’re so suprised.

Me: And it’s so sweeeeeeeeet that she does it every single year. *tears*

Adam: Crimony. Did you read the card?

Me: Yes, it says “to my wonderful son and his special wife.” Isn’t that SO sweeeeeeeet? *teeeeaaaars*

Adam: “Special Wife” … It makes you sound like a drooler.

Me: *sigh* well, that’s one wasy to get me to stop crying, I guess.

Technically though, since there was delicious chocolate involved… that does make me a drooler.